13 Feb 2004 dinner with my grandpa & all the relative (we, youngster help tem to celebrate OLD FOLKS VALENTINE NIGHT)..Coz i hav to join national service camp on 16 Feb 2004 so tast nite my grandpa tel me a lot of tings. Hold my hand close to his heart and advise me to take very good care on myself when joining the camp. Make me cry a lot coz i don feel like joining the camp (to me that camp is very super scary-but at last do1 end the camp, coz meet a lot of frend that willing to take k each other good experience) The next day 14 Feb 2004 (Valentine day-although no bf but still ajak a group of frend outing) on the way to my outing, receive a super emergency news. My grandpa stop breathing while on the way to hospital. I'm blank i dono what to do and say. My frend head the car to HUKM, my grandfather is in the emergency room. Doctor say will try best to save him, doctor say he had stop breathing jus now so now rescueing him. I pray hard that he can wake up and talk to me, cook porridge for me when i'm sick. Bring me out gai gai, drive me back from schol, drive me back to overnight in his house (happy stay with grandparent coz more freedom, they will give what we ask for) BUT i manage to saw him with a white cloth wrapped over him. Tis is d 1st time I saw this scenery. I dono want to use what situation to descripe the situation. In movie we can saw it easily, but not personal experience can't express the feeling. My dad say not to cry, buddhist (same s christian hope not to cry must smile to accept-if not the late people will not leave) who can do it? our beloved not here anymore, do you think normal people can stand not to cry. After getting know, we can cry by dropping our tears without sound. I cant accept the truth coz he is the person who chat vf me so so much y'day nite, how COME? In his funeral, i stand beside him to accompany him until his last day (16 Feb 2004-the day that i should report to my camp) I remember the hard feeling i have on the last day when we have to turn over when they close the coffin. Once the coffin is close means everything end.. I struggle with them i do1 to end i want to be with him. At last, silly very silly..HOW can a dead person stay alive? follow to the grave yard end of the ceremony.. My dad is the biggest so he commit every prayer.. Sadly report to camp on 17 Feb 2004, my uncle n my grandma, n my family drive me to Gua Musang camp site..(will write on NS experience in the next blog) 1 week after (i had sick teruk), i have a dream from my grandpa ask me to be strong and take good k. He want me to be happy and help to take k my family n my grandma. This dream continuosly the 2nd nite. In the dream i was walking along a long path where tere were many people resting on their bed. Until the end of the path, is my grandpa (1st dream is waving to me-welcoming me) (2nd dream, he is resting in his bed while i call him to wake up) the message he give me was the same. Is just that the action that he show is not same. The same path, the same situation where every1 is smiling towards me happily so do my grandpa. I call back to my parent to tel them regards this dream, tey say no1 had all this dream. Ask me really have to take k and my grandpa was looking on me everytime every minute. The dream last for 2 nite onli, day after no news from him. Wondering where he go? Will he continue by my side? Will he no that i'm so suffer in camp(keep on sick-coz of weather; morning til evening super hot but nite very super cool)
Losing a luv 1 has super great impact.
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