2008 incident

01/01/2008 went to countdown with frend but at last "lose in the jungle (people)"haha.. nvm nvm, lose also nvm BUT the most terrible is that i hav LOST my PHONE too. my Z610i(sob sob) i jus buy and use for 2 month only, lost jo.. BAD year. 1st day of 2008 oledi lost a phone. Dare not to tink any more. Went home alone, cry for days for my luv phone.
Above oledi stated 2008 not a good yr for me.. Lost phone on the 1st day and lost my beloved bro (20 Apr 2008), make everything change. My thinking and my action. Use to speed while driving, use to play violence on the road..haha NOW no more lo, scare.. Day day wondering can i wake up the next morning? Thank GOD that i can wake up.. Thinking what is the feeling when die? Did i still remember everything? How will it feel? remember on my bro funeral, there are people able to see my bro standing beside his coffin. DO you think he know what is happen to him? Can he hear that we are very sad? Will he able to hear our conversation? He can walk..erm floating to everywhere? This is what i keep on floating in my mind. Before sleep i will say thanks and think a lot of this question. My brother accident really change me and this is the news that i can't accept until now. Remember he told me on 18 Apr 2008, he will be going to climb "lembing mountain-kuantan" with his frend. I have no comment coz ntg wrong ma. But got some arguement b4 he step out, he did not use luggage bag to fill in his shirt, he use plastic bag. So i say him: house got so many luggage bag you do1 use, why wana take plastic bag so ugly. At last onli i say he continue do. Haiz, nvm lo!!He like (big jo ma) BUT i don't know that this is the last time i argue vf him. Form young til the last day i use to argue with him, no mater on what tings. On fud-he like to steal my fud and don let me have it, On tv-like to change my tv programme, all tis lead us big fight, i remember than we've fighted where almost use knife tim. At last ntg la, if anyting will c us in newspaper jo lo..haha.. watever we also argue and rampas. Dono why, olden people say "long hu dou" dragon n tiger sure fight d.. SURE?? Although we fight n rampas everyting this does not means we are not close.. we argue coz we are to alike, he like the tings i like,, i like the tings he like. So So.. Sometimes, will share feeling and will seeks help from each other.. He will wait me home if i back home late.. So sweet~
No more now.. No such ting happen.. Everyting change from the time his body went into the flame.. The most hard feeling is that saw his body in the hospital, recognized that is him.. with no cloth onli short pants. Whole body hard, icy, cool. Blood still fresh on his head. Can't stand the situation, onli non stop call him n cry.. B4 dept to Kuantan to recognized the body, oledi pray n set in mind it is not him. certainly not. Fate is fate no matter how we change not to think it is FATE dy, cannot change. All hope blow off when saw him lying tere vfout movement. I know that cant change dy.. NO more hope. Continue his document, take back his phone and belongings. Transfer him back to KL, sitting in the "coffin" car keep on calling his name ask his soul to follow us. Cry like hell!! reach home 12am while ntg being done (those setting) he being leave in the car while we checking on the setting. He's being transfer out from car while i hav to search for his picture that can b put in front of the coffin. I found a lot but not suitable. At last use a photo take show his head "senget" because this photo is the take with other gal. No choice co he don hav others. Praying ceremony start morning, phone call looking for him keep on ringing (his boss) call to us n ask y my bro din report to work, i tel him he is not here anymore, he thought im kidding.. At last he believe coz i cry non stop. I can't tel out like normal ppl that my bro has past away. Hard feel come out faster than ever. Relative all come n advise us. Ask us not to sad. But non of tem manage to stand not to sad. Every1 cry when step into my house OR after seeing my bro in the coffin. His relationship vf the relative is good so every1 know him much.. At nite, frends (church) and his best frend all come to pay teir respect.. All cry like hell, then tey went up to my bro room to keep his tings and say which to take some of his ting s rememberance. I say ok, can take watever things. Last day, my bro facial expression change from reverage expression to smiling look. I tink he was satisfy and happy that his frend all come pay teir respect and all relative too. Mayb he satisfy dy. So he smile n left. Last day, got musical come n i wish tem to play SHE song coz my bro luv tem very much. While play d SHE cd wen sending him to the fire burial in cheras. My parent cant go, his "heng dai" help to take up his coffin to the car (coz tey say wana help seng chau-my bro to do someting) really best frend. me n my little bro who is d 1 who start the prayer followed behind. Reach the fire burial place, prayer start and the monk tel us to call his name when his coffin being move down to the fire, after prayer, the monk press down the button and we gather to the area n call out his name.. My face all cover by tears. I faint at last!!
This is what i get in yr 2008, 4 yrs after my grandfather this is the most unacceptable experience i had. I don dare to tink on what is my future and tis n tat. If i can live 1 more day i will do s much s i can..